Laying on the train tracks with toxic waste amassing Blinded by the glare from a mirror light-refracting Bring me to the goddess of night I have been preparing All year for this moment So many dress rehearsals Think I can do it for real this time Divert your scared attention Gaze through the horizon Start your mental stopwatch And count down the seconds left Every mount is fastened Every book is closed shut Always saw it coming I feel it inching closer Praying at my bedside Hands clutched and holding Another late reversal Arrived to late for the closing chime Twenty million futures tumble out my hollow skull Too cordial to the blackened spirits dig a deeper hole I can't seem to make them fit Twenty million mirrors pointed at my dying eyes My retinas were burnt to ash before I realized I'm not coming back from this Purgatory isn't what they make it out to be Its a cold collapsing building and its wretched and empty Industrial strength balers will flatten out my bones They will drain the blood and dump it down a wide open storm drain I don't expect too much but I at least deserve a chance (-) YOU NEVER SAW WHAT I WAS CAPABLE OF BRING MY SLEDGEHAMMER TO YOUR SKULL FEEL MY BLUDGEONING EXPRESSION OF LOVE I NEVER THOUGHT IT WOULD COME TO THIS METACARPALS TEARING AT THE SEAM ITS ALL LAID OUT RIGHT BEFORE ME THIS SHOT WILL FLY THROUGH YOU PERFECTLY I GOT MY FAMILY MY ARSENAL MY HANDS ARE ON THE GUN I WONT FORGET WHAT YOUVE DONE Hallelujah Holy watcher Take from me What I can't carry You do not remember me But I have not forgotten your voice

I am frozen by the revelation Good things do not come with patience Painful nervous complications Choir singing broken cadence Every body is an agent Working for their motivations Signal stuck on a long-dead station Never got my due vacation Cable, hook don't advocate it Absent watcher masturbating Waiting for the devils rating See my vision quickly fading Do not fight I'm not worth saving Let me end up mangled gravely Heard a disembodied voice say "this is not your time yet baby!" Its something that you go through daily Artificial heart is failing Wind has blown this ship is sailing Clustered like a nervous phalanx Overthink until your heart sinks Drowning in a flood of day drinks Crying every time the phones ring Disregard me consciously Staring at the ceiling holding Hear the doors the nurse is closing I don't mean to be imposing But my mental states eroding People always stare when you start to shed your skin Judgement rains down from the sky and never lets me win Host to all this pain and noise Turn into a vapor cloud Tremor-shakes beneath my voice Better take the quiet route Never getting to the point Where I can kill and spurn the doubt Keep my head low and avoid The crumbled cliff-side jutting out Get behind the wheel and drive Right into the barrier I'm no daughter I'm no wife My deeds in life don't carry worth Doing crosswords staring at a wall Tweaking on a high dose of Adderall Freak-out-shriek-sobbing caterwaul Gutpunch hit me like a cannonball Force-slow my days down to a crawl It feels so cruel and intentional Spewing out overwrought confessionals Nothing in this world feels natural at all Let me back into the world I swear I won't do it (I promise to stay in it) I am not a broken girl I can maybe get through it

they're digging a hole they're blowing up rocks to clear the way for your pandoras box I know you can hear me baby the moon rises full the dogs in the yard are howling and eating up your name card I know you are out there darling body or soul whatever you are I will always love you from afar You know I am right here waiting for you We had a good thing going on But the charade went on for far too long I still see you in the moonbeam Succumbing to the slipstream I was never really ready for it I'm still kind of reeling from it If you want to come and steal my vision Allowing it will be my mission Occupy my brain like a rainy Oakland day Harbor water viscous in a pained, unspoken way No room for you Three point turnaround going backwards down the hill Texting my psychiatrist to see if they got pills That will erase you Gaze in the mirror twist my ugly faggot face Give up on participating in this maggot race I don't fit these shoes People speak in tongues that i cannot comprehend Impossible to utter take a guess and press "send" The medium pulls thru We can sit here silent or we can indulge violence and turn each others flesh from pink to blue Atrophy like myelin Circumstantial science Doesn't make it true Standing by my open window Hope your transit intersects with mine Smoulder-fire burning me slow Praying for the sleep of the divine Love is poison to a hollow heart Connect to the leylines underground No one should have to play this part Make my screams echo and resound Every day wake up feel Something missing in me I can't hear your voice in my head now You are here , forever Whether you like it or not I will take the shot for you again

Bay water rising rapidly Receding coastlines and flooding streets Get out and retreat to Weird Mountain's peak Outrun the all-consuming dirt-delta waters Millions of panicked people battling the incline Tarantulas and mountain lions watching from a distance Leg gives out below me and I tumble like a rock-slide Call out for a loved one who is already gone missing I can see Clear across the valley from this rocky vantage point A great new sea Swallowing the buildings that once dotted the skyline If we stay alive through this apocalypse Maybe we will see one last final eclipse Sun is absent from the sky, the moon starts to dim And I'm just worried that I'll never see you again Turn around and realize I'm the only one up here Dud-leg limping slowly for nothing worth saving Can I really breathe? Can I really relax? So many lives lost for someone else's profit The thick black-smoke towers toxify the air Drill down to San Andreas rupture out and flare Crumbling freeways and rusted bridge Maybe to you it means nothing Decrease to increase your average Labor spread thin through the masses 4 million acres razed grave in flame How do you sleep sound at nighttime? Playing your fictional number games How many disasters will it take for you to realize They're bleeding black into the ocean Carpet bombers sweeping over Northern California Earthmovers shatter ground and stow away the earth-guts Iron doors block out the sounds of plans to fucking kill us Full stomachs lined with gold, vomiting toxic waste sludge The devilheads responsible have names and addresses Commodified apologies bought and sold to run the presses Diamond studded towers where they hide with full protection We have the power and the numbers to realign our direction You will not be spared! You will not be granted mercy! You will not survive! We will guarantee it! We've let this go On for too long Poisoned our water Spoiled our air Nobody should Accept tragedy When the source of that pain Can be taken out Unbend your plowshares Back into swords Make it your earth For heaven's reward We are not safe In this environs Take up your arms And make them all run Because I love you I do this Because I want to die for it Dear devil mountain, mighty Tuyshtak You will not fall to these bloodhounds From my rocky vantage point Sierras protruding from the great valley sea You will not slaughter them, you will not burn them You will witness Hell before your time has come

7am get up start the coffee The jesters voice rings shrill and mocking Still confined to this rotting cube Hasn't been changed since 1952 A quick bump A bright spark Everything around me starts to fall apart The heat jumps The roof sinks Auditory trip, make alarms ring Extinguish the flame Before its too late Rebuild and replace An apathetic pace No one is around to save your life SCRAMBLE OUT THE DOOR COLLAPSE IN THE YARD LET IT ENGULF ME LET IT DESTROY WHEN YOU FAIL YOURSELF YOUR WHOLE WORLD FRACTURES FAST NO LONGER FIGHTING I GET WHAT I DESERVE Your whole life flashes 'fore your eyes Hazy repetitions of emptiness and lies Break into heaven with my angel disguise Spread me on the rubble when I die GET OUT OF HERE NOTHING IS SACRED YOU ARE NOT SAFE HERE ABANDON YOUR OPTIMISM Laying on the sidewalk watching clouds float by Wonder if I spoke to them, would they reply? Are they even real. Am I just dreaming? Will I wake up intact in a lovers arms? A time clock A punch card The real world Is too hard How simple How stupid to make it disappear in like 2 minutes You go back You hide it You realize They don't care All I ever do is torch the houses that I live in Pray to God for meteor or just to be forgiven (x2) GET OUT OF MY MIND GET OUT OF MY SIGHT YOU ARE NOT WANTED YOU ARE NOT HUMAN do the ritual as written Use my body as a conduit Give up on normal living Incinerate the past I wanna undo it Now I Ask You for a favor I raise my arms into the sky Like a radio tower built to commune with the stars on high I see everything that there could ever be to see All domains of earth and space are watched over by me Sharpening the knife With which I sacrifice The boiling blood inside my veins The piercing wail, the acid rains A debt is always owed And I'm paying mine off now The endless march is slowed So that I may fulfill my vow Oh protector Oh destroyer Why did you come into my home Why did I let you in when you wept at my door? Your whole life flashes 'fore your eyes Hazy repetitions of emptiness and lies Break into heaven with my angel disguise Spread me on the rubble when I die Oh destroyer How you've sown your fear and doubt Send your black tar oil back below the ground oh protector Why do you never answer? Abandoned to rise from the rubble alone

Eternal isolation Desperate to adapt My spine collapses under The weight of your memory My essence still lingers in that room A fool still I knelt at your shrine Nervous genuflection at the pew-side Contemplate a force I will never understand The thread of the Earth comes unwinding The cosmos call out from the void But there's some kind of pride in undying I won't lay down I still have a choice You still exist Image persists The comet touched down in Wichita Left a crater in which to cough I could descend it way down to earth's core But never find my way back out An earthquake could roar through the country And send California adrift But if I could still be in your presence It would be good enough to exist It's the hands and voices I stay holding That keep my slow pulse bearing on and on